How to be a good parent? Every parent in the history of the world could probably give you a 1000-word essay on what makes a good parent. While there would be some overlap, you will find nearly every person has a different opinion of the things required to make a great parent.
However, that is not how this post is going to go. I am going to tell you very general ways to be a good parent, but there are no perfect steps to perfect parenting because there are no perfect parents. What I will cover, instead, is the general things you can do and how to put them into action.
How to be a good parent? things you can do and how to put them into action:
- Be Patient
Being patient is a hallmark trait of a great parent. However, this moves beyond patience with your child. You do need to be patient with your children, but you also need to be patient with yourself. Sometimes your children will make mistakes. Drinks will get spilled, backpacks forgotten, and assignments missed. These accidents are common with children.
However, children who are always forgetting, dropping, or missing things are often under stress and anxiety. Being patient and listening to their cries for help does not mean that you must leave them consequence-free, but it does mean to try to be understanding when they are struggling.
In the same manner, you will struggle as a parent sometimes. You will make mistakes and forget appointments, miss games, and lose your cool. What is important, however, is that you learn to be patient with yourself and accept your mistakes. Sometimes, you will need to make those mistakes up to your children because your actions should also not be consequence-free.
Take a deep breath when extra patience is needed. You will not do everything perfectly, and neither will your children. Step away from the situation if you need to calm down. When the fault is yours, be honest, and when it is theirs, be firm but patient.
- Listen
Children need to know that you are there for them. Even when the conversation is hard, you need to be able to listen. One of the best things you can do for your child is to practice listening to the simple things.
Then you can move on to the harder things. For example, listen to them talk about their favorite video game, movie, or truck while you are fixing dinner. If they think you are interested in them, then they will be far more likely to come to you when they are under stress.
They will know that you are interested in helping. When your child comes to you with a difficult problem, you might have to revert to number one to maintain composure, but children need to know that you are there to listen to them. However, this also does not mean that consequences do not apply. Listen first; discuss and penalize later.
- Be Consistent
Children respect consistency. While they think they do not want discipline, they do appreciate understanding the rules and consequences. Children who are confident in reasonable consequences are often more likely to confide in parents even if that means that they will get into trouble.
For example, parents often tell children to call them if they are ever in a situation where they need a ride home because they or their friends were drinking. However, inconsistent parents get fewer phone calls. There are other children, however, who know that their parents love them but that they will be grounded/ on restrictions.
They know that they are loved and that it will be okay. I tell my child I want him to think, “Ugh, my mom/ dad is going to be so mad. I better call her/ him.” We want our children to know that there are consequences, but that we love them no matter what.
- Be There
Whether it’s a baseball game, dance recital, or awards ceremony, make it to as many functions as you can for your children. Beyond that, be there when a friend is mean to them, their significant other breaks their hearts, or they get a bad grade on something they studied to pass.
They need to know that more than anything, their parents are there for them. They are there for the good and the bad.
- Play/ Have Fun with Them
It does not matter if your child is 2, 12, or 20; having fun with them can let them know you are more than their parent. You are a person too. While you do not want to be their friend more than a parent, you do want to enjoy parenthood and let them enjoy childhood.
Go to the park, play baseball, take them fishing, or go window shopping to do something other than typical parent-child interactions. Sometimes sneaking off without the other parent or siblings to eat ice cream builds a relationship on the fun. Of course, be sure that you do this will all of your children equally.
A whole family dinner at the ice cream parlor once in a while is okay too. You are the adult. You can decide nutrition is out the window for a day. Of course, this is barring diabetes or health conditions that would limit these actions. If so, eat dinner in front of the TV while watching a new movie once in a while. Yes, you should use dinner to talk to your child, but sometimes bonding means breaking the rules.
Wait, but didn’t I say be consistent? Consistent does not mean perfect. It means that 99 out of 100 days, dinner is chatting and as a family. Once in a while, you treat yourself. Your children need to learn balance too! Teach them by being firm yet fun.
- Be Honest
Let’s face it; sometimes, we are going to make mistakes. When you do, own them. Do not cover them, hide, or deny them. If you want your child to be honest, they will want you to do the same.
If you are honest when you make a mistake or do something you shouldn’t, they will respect you more. Try not to use the “I’m the adult” excuse. While you are the adult, you need to explain the benefits of being a parent and understanding consequences.
Be honest with why you make the choices that you make. You are not answering to your child as much as you are teaching them about decision making. If you are defensive about your decision, maybe you need to rethink it.
If you are embarrassed about being a smoker or drinker, be honest and let them know you wish you had never started because quitting is hard.
- Love Them Unconditionally
Many of these tips could be listed under this one alone. Love your children, no matter what. Love them through mistakes, puberty, the dreaded teen years, and triumphs. Try not to be overly critical.
Just love them. Helping them learn from mistakes is an essential part of your job as a parent, but it is not the only job you have. Love them through the mistake and guide them more than lecturing them.
- Let Them Fail
Hear me out here. Your children need to learn from their mistakes. They also need to know what to do when they fail. They cannot learn these lessons without experience.
Your children will require help and support for overcoming that failure, but they will appreciate the lesson much more if you let them learn it themselves. For example, let your child try out for a sport he or she has never played just because a friend is.
Let them see that they have to learn to play, understand the rules, and practice. Even if they make the team, they will likely not play much. Let them see that practice and hard work can change their position. Sheltering children from failure often make them unsure of what to do as an adult when they fail.
- Be Nosy
Talk to your children about school, friends, hopes, and dreams. If you talk to your children every day, you will begin to notice when changes happen. While some changes may be useful, you will also be able to catch red flags earlier. Do not be afraid to ask questions and demand answers.
They should not be hanging out with children if you do not know them or their parents. A quick meeting should be all you need to make sure that you feel comfortable with your child seeing them.
If you do not feel comfortable, be that parent. Stop them from going. They will probably be angry, but most of the time, they will eventually thank you (maybe years later).
- Do Your Best
Whether you make mistakes or are confident in your decisions, make the best choices you can. Gather information and listen to your gut. If you are reading this, you clearly care about being a good parent. Do what you feel is best. If you learn you were wrong, refer to number six. Parent with your heart, and you won’t go wrong.
Read more :